Let me say this upfront: if you’re not ready for some gut-busting, cheek-wobbling, laugh-until-you-snort kinda humor, then back away slowly. But if you’re like me — someone who’s shamelessly laughed at the word “butt” in a board meeting — then ohhh buddy, you’re in for a treat. We’re diving deep (sorry) into butt jokes. Not just any jokes. The greatest, most absurd, most ridiculous rear-end gags known to mankind.

And yes, I used all 30 of my butt jokes quota in this beast. You’re welcome.

Classic Butt Jokes That Slap (Pun Fully Intended)

Sometimes a joke just hits right — like when your uncle sits on a whoopee cushion and swears he didn’t hear it. These are the OGs of butt jokes:

• Why did the butt go to school? To get a little more behind in class. (Dad joke certified.)
• I told my butt a joke. It cracked up! No regrets.
• What do you call a butt that can play music? A tuba-rump. I dare you not to chuckle.
• Did you hear about the butt who started a band? Their bass dropped harder than mine at prom.
• I once laughed so hard at a fart joke, I nearly fell off my own butt. True story.

Side note:

My cousin Devon used to tell butt cheek jokes during Thanksgiving dinner. We all pretended to groan. Inside? We were dying.

Butt Jokes For Kids (And Adults Who Act Like ‘Em)

Clean, goofy, and kid-approved — these butt jokes for kids get maximum giggle returns.

Kid-level Cheekiness:

• What do you call two butts that tell jokes? A cheeky duo.
• Why did the diaper start a podcast? Because even babies have sh*t to say.
• My nephew Max told me this one: “What did the butt say to the toilet? You complete me.” Honestly, iconic.
• Knock knock! Who’s there? Butt. Butt who? Butt I can’t stop laughing!
• My niece once made up her own: “My butt’s name is Jerry.” Then she just walked away. I respect it.

These are the kinds of butt jokes that won’t get you banned from Chuck E. Cheese.

Cheekier Content Ahead: Ass Jokes for the Bold

Okay, if you’re still here, you’re either super curious or super immature. Either way — same. So let’s get a little sassier with some ass jokes:

• My butt doesn’t jiggle — it applauds. Every. Single. Step.
• I’ve got a butt so flat, even my yoga mat’s judging me. Classic flat butt joke, thanks.
• Someone asked me if my butt was tired — it’s been dragging me through life since 2009.
• Don’t talk behind my back… unless you’re admiring the view. (Wink.)

Anyway, here’s the kicker: I once tried to do 30 squats. By the 4th one, my butt filed for workers comp.

Flat Butt Jokes That Land Soft But Hit Hard

As a card-carrying member of the Flat Booty Club, I present:

• My butt is so flat, pancakes get insecure around me.
• When I sit, it sounds like two planks snapping in a wind tunnel.
• If my butt were a country, it’d be called NoCurve-a. Zero elevation.
• One time, I tried to twerk. My phone thought I dropped it.

True story: I once bought padded underwear from Pete’s Hardware on 5th Ave. I wore it for a week before realizing it squeaked.

You can’t write butt jokes like this without lived experience.

Butt Cheek Jokes to Crack You Up

Now, onto the butt cheek jokes that bring the heat. Double trouble, double laugh factor:

• I named my butt cheeks Lefty and Righty — they argue more than my parents in ’04.
• My butt cheeks started a podcast: “Split Opinions.” Coming soon to Spotify.
• One cheek always feels superior. Like… calm down Karen.
• They clap at the most awkward moments. Like during dentist appointments.

Real talk:

Have you ever heard your own cheeks echo in a stairwell? I have. Scarred for life.

Knock Knock Butt Jokes? You Bet Your Bottom

These slap harder than the backseat of a school bus.

• Knock knock! Who’s there? Butt. Butt who? Butt wait, there’s more!
• Knock knock! Who’s there? Ass. Ass who? Ass me again and I’ll tell ya!
• Knock knock! Who’s there? Tush. Tush who? Tush it real good!

These are top-tier butt jokes. Perfect for 3rd graders or drunk uncles.

Quick Hitters: Butt Joke One-Liners

Rapid fire. No breaks. Just straight cheeky chaos:

• My butt’s got more personality than my Tinder bio.
• I wear jeans just to keep my butt from starting a cult.
• My butt is a mood. Mainly sleepy.
• My yoga instructor said “activate your glutes.” They’re still buffering.

Fun fact: Victorians believed talking to ferns prevented madness. I talk to my butt every morning. So far, so good.

Love, Relationships, and Rear Ends

Because nothing says romance like admiring each other’s… support systems.

• My partner says my butt’s too much. I said, “You chose this wagon.”
• Love is fleeting. Butt jokes are forever.
• Our relationship is like my butt — complicated and impossible to ignore.

Sidebar:

We once argued for 30 minutes over who had the superior booty. Settled it with a TikTok dance battle. I lost. Badly.

20 More Butt Jokes Because I’m Generous Like That

1. My butt staged a rebellion. Now it refuses to sit down.
2. It’s not cellulite — it’s topographical detail.
3. My glutes? Out of office.
4. My pants filed for separation. Citing irreconcilable stretches.
5. I did 1 squat. My butt called 911.
6. My butt got ghosted. By my own couch.
7. Flat but determined — that’s my posterior motto.
8. My therapist says I use butt jokes to deflect. She’s probably right.
9. Alexa told me my butt was “moderately impressive.”
10. My chair’s suing me for emotional damage.
11. My booty entered a spelling bee. Misspelled “cheeky.”
12. Tried twerking once. Looked like a glitch in The Matrix.
13. Put glitter on my butt. Now I sparkle where it counts.
14. My mirror’s in denial about my rear.
15. My butt left a Yelp review on my squats: 1 star.
16. Tried to spank myself as motivation. Pulled a hammy.
17. My left cheek betrayed me. Sat directly in gum.
18. Wrote a poem about my butt. Nobody asked, but it felt right.
19. I got rear-ended once. My butt still holds a grudge.
20. If you read all these butt jokes, I owe you a high-five. Or low-five?

Wanna Share These Butt Jokes Without Getting Fired?

Here’s how:

• Keep it PG around grandma. Use butt jokes for kids when in doubt.
• At work? Stick to butt cheek jokes — they’re cheeky but not HR-meeting-worthy.
• Timing is everything. Drop a joke mid-Zoom call and watch chaos unfold.

Oh — and:

The smell of Walmart’s parking lot rosemary on June 7th, 2019 still haunts me. Not relevant. Just needed to say it.

Final Thoughts, or Whatever’s Left

So yeah, this was a lot. But if you made it this far, your sense of humor’s as unhinged as mine. And I love that for you.

Anyway, butt jokes are more than just silly punchlines. They’re little pockets of joy. Cheeky nuggets of happiness. Whether you’ve got a pancake butt, a dump truck, or something in between — you deserve a laugh.